From the second you were born, I knew that I would never be able to care for anything else the same.

Before you arrived, I was reticent on your existence. Paige was, until she wasn’t. How could I love something until it was a done deal? But if you didn’t exist, then neither would I. At least, not in my current form. Solely focused on who you are, what you’re becoming, and thinking all too much about what you will be.

Worried every second of your life that I did something to fuck you up already. Worried that I won’t get to choose how fucked up this world might make you. Increasingly worried that we won’t get to be around long enough to find out. Worried that the same seed in me that applies a critical eye to my upbringing will eventually bloom in you; and like me, you will want your distance. How could I possibly prevent that? My parents couldn’t. They weren’t trying to be delusional; they just woke up one day and it happened.

I really hope that I stay lucid long enough to live in the same world as you for as long as I can.

I really hope that you’re exactly like me.

I really hope you’re nothing like me.

I REALLY hope you’re everything I imagined I could be and more.

But every light I can see in you seems inevitably cast by me. You like music – but is that just because I imagined you would? You speak so well and have a great mind – is this just my opinion of myself projected onto you? My dad always saw me as brimming with potential for his trade – and his father his.

Who will you be? Who can I make you? What did my Father actually end up passing down to me? He instilled anger, rational thought, and a blueprint for showing emotions. I found my ways to give each of His gifts my own twist; but when I’m tired, I remind myself of Him. Maybe He was just always tired too.

I hope you end up caring for everything and everyone. I hope nobody beats that out of you. It’s always worth it to harm no thing.

I hope you know that when your sister comes, that I still can’t ever quite care about anything else the same as I care about you.